Loss Can Bring Gain

Loss Can Be Painful – But It Can Open the Door to New, and Even Better, Life Experiences.

Loss is embedded in the process of living. It happens to everyone and it is inevitable. There is no such thing as constant gain in our lives. Despite our wish to live in the security of abundance and perfect health, we necessarily must lose something, over and over again throughout our lives. Time itself eventually creates loss. We come into this world with everything to gain and leave it with everything to lose. And in between we go through a series of gains and losses, ups and downs. Learning to accept both is a sign of wellness, maturity – and even wisdom.

Losses can be catastrophic, such as the death of a partner, parent, child or close friend, or they can be minimal, such as losing a favorite houseplant or finding the first dent in your new car. Obviously, we usually accept minor losses quite well, but major losses can rule our lives for years with feelings of helplessness, confusion and overwhelming sadness. If our losses are not handled adaptively, they can drain us of energy and interfere with our ability to live fully in the present. If we are not able to deal with our losses and then let them go, we can spend our lives under the spell of old issues and past relationships, living in the past and failing to connect with the experiences of the present.

There are many reasons why we may find it difficult to deal with losses. In the first place, contemporary society does not prepare us with adequate rituals and support to help us handle loss. We focus on gaining, acquisition and the promise of the future – and there is little social support for grieving loss and letting go. Indeed, we often avoid those who suffer loss just at the time they need the most support. On a more personal level, we may have difficulty in coping with loss because we never gained the tools for accepting loss. If we have problems with self-esteem, unresolved anger, jealousy, depression, excessive dependency, or poor interpersonal boundaries, we may find it difficult to shoulder loss. When we experience a series of losses without resolving them as they come along, it may be difficult to handle yet another one.

We face numerous losses throughout the course of our lives. Some of our losses are built into the normal developmental milestones that are an expected part of the life process. Humans feel impelled to move on, to explore, to grow. But each time we move on to a new phase of life, we must lose something of the old.

Here are some of the typical lifetime losses that we experience:

Separation-individuation – The infant must inevitably break the early bond formed with a parent. Young children, to be healthy, must see themselves as separate beings with their own sense of identity. The separation-individuation phase is the child’s first introduction to loss. If it is facilitated by a supportive parent, the child may be able to handle future losses more adaptively.

Sibling rivalry – Little babies have a special place in the life of a family. They usually get lots of attention. Older children may feel abandoned when their place in the family has been replaced by a younger sibling, and they may show aggression toward the infant or signs of withdrawal and depression.

Adolescence – As we grow into teenagers, we lose the old family bonds we have always known. We may begin to give more attention to our friends than to our families. Adolescence is a time of tremendous growth with the acquisition of new social skills and life responsibilities, but it is at this time that we must necessarily say goodbye to the play, the pleasures and the nurturance of childhood.

Friends – Friends leave – especially in our mobile society. They move, or marry, or sometimes they just drift away from us. The loss of a close friend, one who has seen us through life’s ups and downs, can be devastating. We may feel that a lost friendship will never be replaced, but our challenge is to appreciate what we had in our old friendship, to retain our memories, and to carry our skills into other friendships in the future.

Marriage – Those who marry normally shift their attention and allegiance from the family they grew up in, as well as their old single friends, to the creation of a new family. Modifying the old ties to family and friends can create a severe crisis, but there is a world of exciting new possibilities to replace this loss.

Letting go of children – When parents watch their children grow into adulthood, they lose a part of their old sense of identity and purpose. To cling to the old parental roles past their time is to invite conflict, yet many endure this conflict rather than simply grieve their loss and then move into new life experiences.

Losing our parents – When our parents die, we must adjust to the stark truth that we are next in line. This can raise issues about our purpose in life and what we have accomplished. Saying goodbye to the ones who have known us the longest can dredge up very deep questions, both pleasant and unpleasant, but we can learn life lessons from this crisis and use this knowledge to build more meaningful and richer lives for ourselves.

Middle age – The mid-life crisis is a time of giving up those things we no longer need in life and consolidating and building on those things we value and want to make a part of the rest of our lives.The loss of youth and physical vigor can present a tremendous struggle for some people, but middle age can also be a time of sharing wisdom and pursuing pleasures one never had the time for before.

Growing old – The losses of old age can bring on depression. Our bodies are no longer what they once were, we retire from jobs that have been a crucial part of our lives, and we experience the deaths of family and friends. Those who have learned to deal well with loss, however, can gain from their wisdom and fully enjoy each day. For some, old age is the best time of life.

Facing death – The death of those we love can be the harshest loss of all. And ultimately, we must face our own death. Grieving death is a very personal experience and one of the most painful to endure. It takes time to get through it. Bereavement can be a journey into the depths of our lives that can ultimately reveal our strength of character.

Dealing with loss is one of our most important life skills. It encourages us to explore our humility and sense of powerlessness. Grieving loss can be described as time in the shadows rather than time in the light. We need to look at life from both sides, from win and lose. When loss comes your way, remember that –

• Every relationship is temporary
• You Need to stay aware during the adjustment to loss
• Tears are a sign of strength, not weakness
• It takes time to process loss
• You will not always feel the way you do now
• You need to share your loss with those who can be trusted
• Nobody else can do this for you. 
• You will be happy again

Guidelines for Dealing with Loss

The goal of the person dealing with loss is to move through the various stages of the loss process, to learn from and appreciate the impact of the loss, and to achieve closure so that life in the future can be experienced more fully with integrity, insight and wisdom. Here are a few suggestions that may prove helpful:

Don’t try to do it alone.

Isolation is difficult for most people, but it is especially challenging for a person adjusting to loss. Seek out people who can be trusted and can listen well. During times of loss we need to talk and share the intense thoughts and feelings we experience when we are alone. Many people seek the help of a professional therapist who may be better prepared than most to empathize and guide the process productively.

Submit to the loss in order to get through it.

Some people try to ignore their losses and refuse to think about them. They may feel that time itself will heal things, but this is not necessarily true.Accept the loss as an important and necessary part of your life experience. Integrating the loss into your life is a way of living completely and with integrity.

Realize that intense feelings are normal and expected.

We may feel during times of loss that we are los-ing our minds and that we will never be the same again. Our dreams, fantasies, anger, tears, guilt and loneliness may be more pronounced than we have ever experienced before. But we need to expect losses to dredge up these intense feelings. Sometimes we have not achieved closure on past losses so that another loss may mean having to come to terms with both the present and previous losses. If you process the loss productively, these feelings will pass in time.

Seek spiritual comfort during this time.

Spiritual support often makes our losses more meaningful. It is during times of loss that many people ask questions about the ultimate meaning and purpose of their lives. Meditation, prayer and reflection help us soothe the turmoil which accompanies loss.

If possible, avoid making long-term decisions.

Times of crisis decrease our ability to make rational decisions. We tend impulsively to come up with plans that we think will put an end to our pain – despite the ultimate consequences. Put important decisions off until you have achieved some closure on your loss and things have settled down to a more stable pattern. If decisions are necessary, seek the advice of people who can be trusted.

Take care of your health.

During our adjustment to loss we may be more prone to letting ourselves go – and this opens the door to health problems and even accidents. Try to get enough sleep, but don’t oversleep. Maintain a nutritious diet, but allow yourself some extra treats during this time since self-nurturing is also important. Be sure to exercise, even if it is only a daily walk. Avoid alcohol and drugs during times of adjusting to loss. They may provide temporary relief, but you need to stay aware as you process loss, and abusing substances will forestall this goal.

Our Typical Reactions to Loss

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, an expert on adjusting to loss, identified five stages of adapting to loss. Not everyone goes through all stages and no two people will experience the process in exactly the same way. These stages should not be seen as sequential – that is, we don’t have to complete the first stage before we can move on to the second. Rather, we move in and out of each phase at various times during the adjustment process.

Denial – Even when a loss is expected, the first reaction is usually a sense of disbelief, shock, numbness and bewilderment. The person may experience a period of denial in which the reality of the loss is put out of mind. This reaction is not necessarily maladaptive since it provides the person some time to deal with the pain that must inevitably be faced.

Anger – If we experience loss in the form of death, it is often difficult to express anger. Who do we get angry at? If the loss involves a divorce or losing our job, expressing anger is easier since we can target our anger at an identifiable source. In any case, we often engage in self-reproach for not doing enough prior to our loss, like saying the right things, making amends, or trying harder. When we are in the anger phase, we may become irritable and quarrelsome. We may interpret signs of good will from others as rejection. Normal everyday stressors may trigger off episodes of rage.

Bargaining – This is a period of self-reflection that emerges out of the grief process. We come up with ideas that help us forestall the inevitable grieving that must follow loss. “If I do good things for people, I won’t lose anyone else to death.” “If I keep a cleaner house, my wife will come back to me.” “If I’m friendlier to people, I can get my old job back.”

Grieving – Grieving must be endured. It is our way of saying goodbye to the old so that we can open our lives to the new. Grieving involves suffering, and it may be intense. There are periods of increased energy and anxiety followed by times of sadness, lethargy, fatigue and emptiness. The person in the grieving phase may find it difficult to experience pleasure and may want to avoid other people altogether. One’s dreams may be intense during this time. Physical symptoms may accompany the grieving phase – sleep disturbance, changes in appetite, weakness, headaches, back pain, and indigestion.

Acceptance – One day you wake up and realize that life is normal again. This is not necessarily a time of happiness – but it is normal. And if the adjustment has been carried out to completion, with support and personal reflection, you can emerge a stronger, wiser and healthier person.

Experiencing Grief

Grieving comes to most of us at some point in our lives.

In fact, statistics show that each person can expect to experience the loss of a loved one once every nine to thirteen years. The resulting sadness may be the most painful of life’s experiences. Because it is painful, however, our eventual adaptation to the loss can bring meaning and integrity to our lives – and this, ultimately, is a gift to us from the one we have lost. It is a reminder to us that the circle is unbroken.

Our ability to adapt to loss is an important feature of the course of our lives. Change can instigate growth. Loss can give rise to gain. If we do not grieve the loss, however, it may drain us of energy and interfere with our living fully in the present. If we are not able to mourn at all, we may spend our lives under the spell of old issues and past relationships – living in the past and failing to connect with the experiences of the present.

Grieving is a process of experiencing our reactions to loss. It is similar to mourning. The term bereavement means the state, not the process, of suffering from a loss. Normal grieving is an expected part of the process of recuperating from a loss. The intensity of the process comes as a surprise to most people – and for many it becomes one of their most significant life experiences. People have their own individual grief responses. No two people will experience the process in the same way

The first reaction to the loss of a loved one, even when the loss is expected, is usually a sense of disbelief, shock, numbness, and bewilderment. The survivor may experience a period of denial in which the reality of the loss is put out of mind. This reaction provides the person some time to prepare to deal with the inevitable pain.

The feeling of numbness then turns to intense suffering. The person feels empty. There are constant reminders of the one who has been lost. There may be periods of increased energy and anxiety followed by times of deep sadness, lethargy, and fatigue. There may be a period of prolonged despair as the person slowly begins to accept the loss. The one who grieves may find it difficult to feel pleasure and it may seem easier most of the time to avoid other people. The bereaved may dream repeatedly about the lost loved one – or hear their voice or even actually see them. The grieving survivor may adopt some mannerisms of the one who has left.

Sadness may be interspersed with times of intense anger. Many of us have difficulty in expressing anger toward one who has died. (However, anger enters into most of our relationships, and the relationship with the one who has died does continue, though changed, even after death.) We may reproach ourselves for not doing enough to prevent the death or for having treated the deceased badly in the past. The grieving person may become irritable and quarrelsome – and may interpret signs of good will from others as messages of rejection. Normal stressors may become triggers that set off periods of deep anger.

Physical symptoms commonly accompany grief. These include weakness, sleep disturbance, a change in appetite, shortness of breath, dizziness, headaches, back pain, gastric reflux, or heart palpitations.

Some people may show a “flight into health,” as if the loss were behind them and they had started to move on again. This pattern occurs frequently, especially in a society which encourages quick fixes, even though complete resolution of the grief process can take up to two or three years. To shorten the process by pretending that it has been completed is to invite a prolonga-tion of the symptoms.

Suggestions for Experiencing Grief

All of us grieve in different ways, depending on the circumstances of the death, our own personal char-acteristics, and the meanings attached to the death by those left behind. Nonetheless, there are some specific actions that most of us can take to complete the process in a way that allows us to move on, eventually, to a whole and meaningful life again.

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

Allow yourself to grieve and feel the depth of your loss. Grieving is hard work. We may feel that we should be “strong” and hold in our emotions, that happy thoughts and feelings are the only way to get through a trying time. This approach, however, makes it very difficult to complete the process of grieving. It is important to accept the reality of the loss. The person who died is gone and will not return. This fact must be accepted in order for the grief process to continue. Try to understand why the death occurred and the events that led to the death. Give yourself permission to feel and think about whatever comes up regarding your loss. If happy thoughts and feelings come your way, allow them to happen. Similarly, if dreadful pain, sadness, and anxiety show up, when tears turn to uncontrollable sobs, give in to these temporary feelings. Embrace your sadness, know it, and make it your own. If it is difficult to open yourself to these feelings, it may help to make a personal commitment to complete the grief process in the near future. Vow to yourself that for your own benefit, for the good of others in your life and for your future happiness, you need to get through your loss completely and in a healthy way. This means opening yourself up to all of your feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative, and letting them happen.

Accept the help of others and let them know what you need. Don’t try to do it alone. This is the cardinal rule in grief work. Isolation is bad for most people, and it is especially harmful for a person who is grieving. Research shows that people who have social support complete the grieving process better than those who try it in isolation. Social support should be available to you during the entire grieving process, but especially initially after the death. Find people who can be trusted absolutely and can listen well. We need to share the intense thoughts and feelings that we experience when we are alone. It is during the time of grieving that many people look for the help of a professional therapist who is likely better prepared than most to empathize with you and guide the process productively. Other people give you a sense of security and reality when your life has been turned upside down by the loss of a loved one. Accepting the help of others during mourning is not a sign of weakness. It simply means that you can allow yourself to be comforted during a rough period, and this will contribute to your strength later. Sometimes other people may not know what you need, even if their intentions are good. In this case, it is important to educate them. If they say the wrong things, let them know. If there are specific things that you need, tell them. Assertiveness may be difficult during grieving because you have little energy, but clear communication is essential to getting your needs met.

Be realistic in processing your grief. Read upon grief work or talk to a therapist who can describe the grief process. Understand what you are trying to accomplish, and realize that your pain will subside in time. There is a clear goal in sight. Understand what this death means to you and what issues it brings up for you. The loss may be there always, but you can come to understand it and feel comfortable with yourself in time. Accept the fact that you will have some reactions during the process that you may not like – angry blowups, ignoring other people, moodiness. Expect your loss to dredge up intense emotions, although these feelings will pass in time. Your way of grieving is particular to you and your individual loss. It is not helpful to blame or to be blamed for the unique way each of us grieves. Don’t let the personal judgments of others determine how or to what degree you should grieve. Your grieving is your own.

Find ways to express your feelings. The expression of emotion is one of the most important aspects of the grieving process. Each of us has different ways of expressing feelings. Some of us talk about them, while others prefer to write them in a journal or physically act out the feelings (pounding a pillow or punching bag, running, or dancing). Look for trusted and non-judgmental people in your support system who are able to hear you talk at length, cry until you can’t anymore, and review your experiences with the deceased. Expressing your feelings is a crucial part of the grief experience.

Submit to the grief process and take care of your needs. Even though grieving is hard work, and we may prefer to avoid it, there is no way around it. There is a major disruption in your life when a loved one dies and this entails a period of readjustment.

Here are some real-life concerns to keep in mind during the grief process.

Give yourself some quiet time alone. Find a good balance between being around others and giving yourself some solitude so that you can reflect on your loss and process your feelings.

Allow yourself to have some breaks from your grief. Grieving is difficult. As in any hard job, you need a break from it from time to time. Go out and try to have a good time with friends. Read a good book. Lose yourself in a good movie.

If possible, avoid making long-term decisions. Times of crisis decrease our ability to make rational decisions. Put decisions off until things have settled down to a more stable pattern.

Take care of your health. Grief is a time of high physical risk. Even though it may be difficult, try to get some physical exercise, even if it is only a daily walk. Maintain a nutritious diet, but don’t avoid indulging in special treats occasionally since self-nurturing is important during the process. Above all, avoid alcohol and drugs during this time. They may provide a temporary feeling of relief, but your goal should focus on grieving productively, not avoiding it.

Grieving is a very personal experience and one of our most painful to endure. It is also a journey into the depths of our lives that can ultimately reveal our strength of character.

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” – William Shakespeare (Macbeth, Act IV, Scene 3)

Some Thoughts on Grieving

Losses are a fact of life.

Every relationship is only temporary.

I need to be as aware as possible of what is happening.

I will not always feel the way I do now.

Tears are a sign of strength, not weakness.

My loved one would want me to get on with life again.

I am willing to give this all the time it takes.

I need to do a lot of talking and crying – as much as it takes.

My loved one’s departure allows me to find out more about who I am.

My life has been disrupted, and now I will work to get it back on track again. I need to share my experience with other human beings.

My grieving is my own – I, and not others, will determine what form it takes. Nobody else can take this life journey for me.

I will be happy again.

Sleep and the Sleep Disorders

“To sleep,perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub.”

William Shakespeare, from Hamlet

The National Sleep Foundation tells us that nearly half of us don’t get enough sleep. In modern-day society, because of night work, television, computers, and the profound stress we experience in everyday life, our sleep is often disrupted. Sleep is a basic biological need, like hunger and thirst. When we don’t get enough of it, our bodies let us know that there are consequences. Sleep is a regular, natural state of rest characterized by a reduction in voluntary body movement and a decreased awareness of the surroundings. Sleep is not a state of falling completely into unconsciousness, but rather an altered state of consciousness that performs a restorative function for the brain and body.

Why Do We Sleep?

An older view on the function of sleep suggested that sleep is a period of rest from the activity of the day. It occurs at night when we would be safer by staying out of harm’s way. We know now, however, that sleep is much more than just a period of recuperation from the energy expended during the course of the day. A great deal happens during our sleep that is vital to maintaining our health.

While we sleep, the brain produces enzymes that neutralize the damage done to cells by molecules called free radicals (in other words, sleep keeps our bodies younger longer). This is just one of the many processes that happen during our sleep. One recent research study, for example, suggests that babies learn the placement of their own limbs during their sleep. As their arms and feet twitch during sleep, the brain maps out the positioning of their limbs and forms new neural connections. Adults use the same process to maintain existing connections in their nervous systems. Other research suggests that sleep may contribute to the formation of new nerve cells in the brain.

One compelling theory states that sleep allows us to process, consolidate, and retain new memories and skills. As we go through each day we are exposed to thousands of experiences, including some that are anxiety-producing. It is during our sleep, especially in the dream stage of sleep, that we process these experiences. If certain experiences seem critical to our lives, they are retained in long-term memory. If they seem trivial, they are deleted and never reach our long-term memory – they are simply forgotten. (For example, think of what you had for lunch last Tuesday. You’ve probably forgotten it, unless it was in some way meaningful, because your brain processed this information and found it not to be valuable for future decision-making purposes.) After a good night’s sleep, all of the clutter from the previous day has been sorted through and only the important bits of information are retained. You are now ready to face the new day. But think about what happens if you miss that night’s sleep. (This is why we can feel so overwhelmed, confused, groggy, and unable to concentrate when we miss sleeping for a night. And if we go for a long period of sleeplessness, the consequences can be devastating.)

Sleep Deprivation

A common myth is that everybody needs eight hours of sleep. This is probably true as a general rule, but the amount of sleep needed is individually and biologically determined and is different for each person. Some people can get by with six hours of sleep and others need nine or ten. As we grow older, we seem to sleep less – but this may be the result of our inability to sleep as we age rather than our need to sleep less. Sleep experts point out that you cannot store sleep by sleeping more on the weekends in preparation for the week ahead.

It should be noted that drugs such as alcohol or sleeping pills can suppress certain stages of sleep – they generate a loss of consciousness, but prevent us from completing our sleep cycle so that dreaming is impaired. Without dreaming, processing and consolidating our memories may not occur, so that we wake up tired, irritable, and disorganized the next day. We are not beginning the day with a fresh start. Drinking alcohol is not recommended as a sleep aid. If your medical doctor prescribes sleeping pills, he or she will probably recommend that you take them at a low dose and for only a few days. There are healthier alternatives than drugs for getting a good night’s sleep.

Studies in sleep deprivation show that people experience progressively severe psychological and physical distress the longer they go without sleep. For example, people deprived of a full night’s sleep both eat more and show evidence that they no longer process carbohydrates adequately so that their blood sugar levels rise. Other studies show an increased incidence of obesity in those who are sleep deprived. Over the long term, poor sleepers show vulnerability to hypertension, heart attacks, and cancer. The day after a poor night’s sleep, people display irritability, impaired cognitive functioning, and poor judgment.

Sleep Disorders

Many conditions are classified as sleep disorders. The main culprits that cause sleep difficulties for most of us are stress, worry, and depression. These problems can be addressed with the help of a professional therapist. The following are some of the more common sleep disorders.

Insomnia. It is best to look at insomnia as a symptom of an underlying problem. The goal is to find the cause. There are three major types of insomnia – difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep with many awakenings during the night, and early morning wakening. Medications, herbs, and stimulants such as caffeine and nicotine can cause insomnia. Stressful life events can also be the cause, and once these are resolved, sleep can return to normal. Even anxiety about falling asleep can cause sleeplessness, especially if you have a long history of insomnia. Some people feel that they occasionally toss and turn all night without being able to fall asleep. This may actually be a condition called sleep-state misperception. The person actually has many hours of sleep during the night, but remembers the night as one with little or no sleep.

Transient insomnia (lasting for a few nights) or short-term insomnia (lasting for two to four weeks) are usually caused by stress, environmental noise, fluctuations in room temperature, and medication side effects. Chronic insomnia (lasting longer than four weeks) is more complex and can be caused by a variety of psychological and physical problems, including depression, asthma, arthritis, heart disease, kidney disease, and hyperthyroidism.

Sleeplessness is not the only symptom of insomnia. Daytime symptoms of insomnia include sleepiness, anxiety, impaired concentration, impaired memory, and irritability.

Narcolepsy. Only three people out of a thousand suffer from narcolepsy, so it is a fairly rare condition. No matter how much they sleep at night, narcoleptics experience an irresistible need to sleep during the day. They can fall asleep at work, while talking to someone, or while driving a car. Their sleep attacks last from 30 seconds to 30 minutes. They may also exhibit loss of muscle tone during these times. Narcolepsy can be seen as an intrusion of dreaming sleep into the waking state. It is thought to have a genetic component and the condition first appears between the ages of 15 and 30.

The major symptoms of narcolepsy include excessive daytime sleepiness; brief periods of muscle weakness brought on by strong emotions such as laughter, anticipation, or surprise; sleep paralysis (paralysis of muscles when falling asleep or waking up); and hypnagogic hallucinations (vivid dreamlike images that accompany sleep onset).

Restless Legs Syndrome. RLS is a discomfort in the legs, which is relieved by moving or stimulating the legs. People have difficulty in describing this condition, but it is commonly referred to as a crawling, tingling, or prickling sensation. It is most likely to be experienced while trying to fall asleep, riding in a car, watching TV, reading, or other periods of physical inactivity. Relief can be achieved by walking around, rubbing the legs, taking a hot shower, or with medication.

Sleep Apnea. Sleep apnea is a sleep disorder that is accompanied by loud snoring. There are brief periods during the night in which breathing stops for 10 to 60 seconds between periods of snoring. The person wakes briefly to breathe and usually has no memory of these awakenings. The symptoms include the following – loud snoring, waking up unrefreshed, sleepiness during the day, waking up with headaches, waking up during the night with the sensation of choking or gasping for air, waking up sweating, and being overweight. Sleep apnea is a serious sleep disorder that can be life threatening. Undiagnosed sleep apnea can lead to heart disease, strokes, irregular heartbeat, impotence, and high blood pressure.

Other Sleep Disorders. Other common sleep disorders include somnambulism (sleep walking), sleep terrors (waking up in fright suddenly from sleep), sleep bruxism (grinding teeth during sleep), and hypersomnia (excessive sleeping).

In conclusion, getting a good night’s sleep is essential to achieving a healthy, happy, and well-adjusted life. We function at our best when we’ve slept well. Unfortunately, our highly technological society today often serves to disrupt our sleep cycles. People today report an increasing incidence of difficulty with their sleep. Many of these sleep problems can be addressed by working with a professional psychotherapist, especially if they involve anxiety, stress, worry, addictive behavior, and mood disorders such as depression. There is no reason to rob ourselves of the joy, clarity of mind, and positive energy that can come from sound sleep.

Some Tip for Healthy Sleeping

Maintain regular times for getting to sleep and waking up, including on the weekends. Our sleep-wake cycle is regulated by an internal clock that balances both sleep time and wake time. Getting up at the same time every morning helps with getting to sleep the next night. If you have difficulty sleeping at night, try to avoid daytime naps.

Create a sleep environment that is dark, cool, quiet, comfortable, and free of interruptions. It may help to use eye shades, ear plugs, “white noise” machines, humidifiers, or fans. The brain responds to light to detect whether it’s night or day, so use curtains or shading to keep light at minimal levels. Studies have shown that sleep inducement is increased when body temperatures are lower (and this means a fan or air conditioner and light covers, not heavy blankets – depending on the season, of course).

Slow down the metabolic rate about half an hour before getting to sleep. Establish a regular, relaxing routine before going to bed. This might involve soaking in a hot bath, then reading or listening to soothing music before trying to sleep. Avoid stimulating activities before bedtime, like computers, video games, office work, housework, or family problem-solving.

Avoid using the bed for activities other than sleep. The bed is not the place to read, watch TV,work on a laptop, or do office work. We need to make an association in our brain between bed and sleep. Sexual activity is an exception, which is believed to make it easier to fall asleep and improve the quality of sleep.

Exercise regularly. Finish your exercise at least three hours before bedtime. Higher body temperatures accompany exercise and we sleep best when our body temperature is lower.

Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol close to bedtime. Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that can interfere with the process of falling asleep.Although many people think of alcohol as a sedative, it actually disrupts sleep and causes nighttime awakening. Consuming alcohol causes a night of restless sleep.

Finish eating at least two to three hours before your regular bedtime. Also, try to restrict fluid intake close to bedtime to prevent waking up during the night to go to the bathroom. (Some people, on the other hand, find that warm milk or herbal teas are soothing and a helpful part of the nighttime routine.)