Breaking Up - It's Hard to Do

Breaking Up, Separation, and Divorce Can Be Devastating – But May Also Provide the Opportunity For Self-Examination and a New Beginning

There is nothing easy about ending a love relationship. Breaking up is seldom the ideal resolution to problems within relationships, but all too often is the outcome, despite our best efforts to prevent it. Over the past two or three decades, about half of all marriages have ended in divorce, and the statistics for cohabitation (or living together) are higher than this. The person who was once your best friend and your companion for life, the one who knew you better than anyone else, has now in some ways become your enemy. You cannot believe that this has happened. How could that love have been destroyed? The breakup of a relationship is one of life’s most emotionally painful experiences. The depth of pain depends on many factors – how sensitive you are to the meaning of your life experiences, how much you have idealized the relationship, and how much you depended on your partner to make your life worthwhile.

A broken relationship shatters much that we have known and dreamed about. Our relationships, especially intimate relationships, help us define who we are. Our values, our views of the world, and how we define our most intimate feelings are all embodied within our love relationships. When our relationship comes to an end, our lives enter a chaotic period for which we may be unprepared. We suddenly find ourselves dealing with a host of emotions and thoughts – grieving, despair, anger, revenge and retaliation, hoping for a miracle, negotiating, feeling out of control, hoping for happiness again and not knowing how to get there, fear, and loneliness – and little of it seems to make sense. (And where is your partner when you need him or her the most?) Most of us have never acquired the tools to deal with a loss of this magnitude. When we entered the relationship, we put our energies into building a life with our partner. We put little effort into learning to be alone again. A breakup forces us to jump into an overwhelming, and often dreaded, world of new experiences.

It is comforting to learn that this time of craziness will come to a close. The sun will shine again. The pain of a breakup, if it is approached constructively, can propel people to confront personal issues and to discover who they are at this stage of life. Many people look back on the time following their breakup as the best time in their lives. It may be painful, but it is also a time when a person can feel fully alive and impelled to look within to determine their strengths, abilities, and challenges. The ending of a love relationship follows a predictable set of experiences. It is helpful to recognize the feelings associated with each stage of a breakup and to know that these feelings are normal and expected. If you have difficulty in handling the negative feelings that accompany the phases of the process, it will probably be a challenge to cope effectively as you move toward the completion of the breakup. If you accept your painful feelings and explore why things are difficult, you become better able, as a more integrated person, to see your way to a happier resolution. Let’s look at a few of the predictable stages commonly experienced by those in the process of a breakup.

Denial

Denying the truth of the breakup actually helps us to postpone the pain, so denial certainly has a place in the process, at least initially. A problem occurs when we experience so much denial that we are unable to come to terms with the reality of the task before us. There comes a day when “this is not happening to me” is no longer an effective way of coping. Ending the denial stage involves a major shift in our thinking about ourselves, what our partner means to us, and where we must go from here.

Fear

Most people experiencing a breakup are forced to come to terms with a number of fears. What will people say? Whom can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner’s anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a complete failure? How can I be a single parent? What about money? Can I do the banking and buy groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable? Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the energy for this much change? When we are dominated by our fears and feel unable to do anything about them, we increase the likelihood that these will be the very areas where we experience trouble. The best way to handle fear is to confront it head on, with awareness, planning, and support – and this takes courage.

Loneliness

The loneliness a person experiences at the time of a breakup may feel overwhelming. The finality of ending the relationship, uncertainty about the future, as well as the knowledge that your partner will no longer be there to comfort you or to spend time with you, all contribute to an empty feeling that seems as if it will not go away. While you were in the relationship, you defined yourself as being partnered and you felt that you always had someone there to share your experiences. And now you don’t. The clue to dealing with this is to change loneliness to aloneness. Loneliness suggests a longing to be with another person. Aloneness can be a time to see who you are – you have the opportunity to explore your independence and challenge yourself to do things on your own. It can be a valuable time of self-exploration and self enhancement. Aloneness might not last long, or at least not long enough, so it can be seen as a valuable opportunity.

Friendship

The breakup is a true test of just who your real friends are. It is important to draw on the emotional support of friends during this time. Unfortunately, many of your friends were those who knew you as a couple and they may have to choose between you. Those who try to stay neutral may find it difficult. Some may feel that your breakup somehow threatens their own relationships, and some friends may now find it difficult to relate to you as a single person. Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust others during a breakup. Getting out, feeling free, trusting wisely, and opening up to others becomes a major goal of healthy adjustment.

Grieving

It is normal, and indeed necessary, to experience a period of grieving over the end of the relationship. You may feel depressed for some time and experience changes in your energy levels, as well as your sleeping and appetite patterns. You may dwell on negative thoughts for a period of time and find it difficult to find pleasure in everyday events. If your negative thinking turns into self-destructive thoughts, you should find a professional therapist who can help you. As unpleasant as this period of grieving may feel, comfort yourself with the knowledge that this is most likely a temporary phase and it is how you are saying goodbye so that you can move on to a healthier and happier future.

Anger

People ending their relationships usually say that they never knew they could have so much anger. The rage seems overwhelming at times. Think about it – you have just lost one of the most important things in your life and your partner may seem like your enemy. You have a lot to be angry about. Use this opportunity to look within – explore your anger and find out how it helps and hurts you. One rule: don’t engage in any behavior you will feel sorry about later on! Because it may be difficult to contain your anger at this time, your partner is not the appropriate target for your anger. Instead, process your anger by talking about it with a trusted friend or therapist. Anger is helpful in the sense that it helps us end the loyalty and trust we used to feel for our partner, and this allows us to move on. Think of the ending of your relationship as a journey, which you take one step at a time. Some of these steps are challenging. Not only do we have to confront all of the stages listed above, but we must also deal with making the final break emotionally, understand what really went wrong, learn to feel comfortable with ourselves again, see ourselves as single people, make new friends, forge new purposes and goals, and learn again about trust and love. As painful as this journey may seem at first, it can lead to a life which is better – and it can be much better.

Dumpers and Dumpees

A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually to end the relationship. In most cases, however, as suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, a breakup involves a dumper, the party who takes the initiative to end the relationship, and a dumpee, the one who wants the relationship to continue. Sometimes, when one analyzes the nature of the relationship, it may be difficult to decide just who is the dumper and the dumpee. In general, however, the dumper is the one who says it is all over, and the dumpee is the one in shock who begs the other not to leave. Dumpees often say they were taken completely by surprise by their partner’s announcement. The breakup experience is often very different for each of the two parties. The dumper usually began preparing for the end well before the final announcement, and the actual parting often comes as a relief for the dumper. The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt. The dumpee, on the other hand, is usually hit by surprise and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the breakup itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it is this pain that can motivate more personal growth. The main task of the dumpee is to work through feelings of rejection. Both parties usually experience a great deal of pain as their relationship comes to an end, although the pain of guilt is different from the pain of rejection. For a healthy adjustment it is important to recognize which role has been assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to work on the issues appropriate to that role.

How Long Do I Wait Until I Get Into Another Relationship?

Expect that it will take at least a year before things begin to feel at all normal again. For most of us, depending on the length and the nature of our previous relationship, it will take two or three years. This may seem like an eternity, but in reality this is a wonderful and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an unattached individual. A word of warning is in order – don’t expect to involve yourself with someone else immediately! You are on the rebound. To attach yourself prematurely in a love relationship is unfair to you and to the other person. You must deal with important personal issues when your previous love relationship comes to an end. Living through the transition and exploring these issues can be painful – and falling in love again may seem like the perfect way to end the pain. But if you attach yourself again too quickly, before you have a chance to explore the issues which led to your breakup and to start to feel comfortable again as a single and independent individual, the other person becomes a replacement object, and that is not what a healthy relationship is about. You will probably carry into this replacement relationship the same issues that helped to lead to the demise of your former relationship – and similar events may very well happen again. Your real goal is to discover who you are and to explore what happened. When you are at the point of being able to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person, then you can choose when, or even if, you should involve yourself in another love relationship. When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready.

Attention Deficits - Living with ADD and ADHD

Most people with Attention Deficit Disorder don’t know they have it. Indeed, the disorder was not recognized until the 1980’s, and it was not until the 1990’s that the recognition of adult ADD was established. However, it is a condition that can have a significant impact on the way a person functions in the world. Unfortunately, Attention Deficit Disorder is poorly named. It is not so much a disorder as it is a difference in the way some people process information and focus their attention. And to call it a deficit fails to recognize the many strengths that these people have. ADD, however, is perhaps a better name than the old word for it – minimal brain dysfunction.

Researchers used to think that what they called “hyperactivity” was a condition found in childhood that was outgrown during adolescence. We know now that about one-third of children with these symptoms outgrow them during adolescence, and the other two-thirds continue to show symptoms into adulthood. Adult ADD is the topic of much current scientific research, and many adults are now able to put a name on what for them has been a lifetime of feeling misunderstood. The professional community now recognizes two variants of this condition – the “hyperactive” type (often referred to as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD) and the “inattentive” type (commonly referred to as ADD).

Although not much is known today about the causes of ADD and ADHD, researchers agree that it is a neurochemical disorder, and it likely has a genetic component. That is, it tends to run in families. In fact, many adults with these symptoms don’t know that it has a label until one of their blood relatives is diagnosed with the disorder. It occurs in women and men, boys and girls, adults and children. It cuts across socioeconomic strata, income levels, educational levels, and levels of intelligence. It is not the same as a learning disability, dyslexia, or a language disability, and it is certainly not associated with low intelligence. Poor parenting, early trauma, labeling, or other psychological factors do not cause ADD. There may be, however, significant psychological problems that develop from growing up with the disorder.

The ADD/ADHD Experience

Think of ADD and ADHD as the inability to turn off stimuli. Most of us are able to block out information from our environment, and this keeps us from becoming overwhelmed. For example, if we are trying to concentrate on a book, we tend to block out sounds from music or television in the background. If we are trying to listen to a teacher’s lecture, we don’t pay attention to what we see outside through the window. We tend to focus on one line of thought at the time to keep ourselves from becoming confused and chaotic. The person with ADD or ADHD, on the other hand, cannot turn off these external stimuli as well as most people (although they certainly block out most stimuli). Their lives become a struggle to filter out and manage the oversupply of information they have to deal with. What they are trying to do is to protect their sensitive inner selves. If the amount of information from their environment becomes overwhelming, they can become overstimulated. “Hyperactivity” is simply the response of the nervous system to an onslaught of stimulation.

This brings us to the three defining symptoms of ADD and ADHD –

Distractibility – is usually associated with the “inattentive” type of attention deficiency, although it is found in both ADD and ADHD. Rather than focusing on one thing, the mind wanders to different arenas. Day-dreaming is one of the defining characteristics of ADD. In conversation, the person may jump from topic to topic. In class, a student listening to a lecture suddenly finds herself looking out the window and then having fantasies about her upcoming summer vacation.

Other symptoms associated with distractibility include:

• Inattentiveness to details
• A tendency to misplace belongings
• Difficulty in completing tasks once they are started
• Avoidance of tasks that require concentration
• Poor ability to plan
• Forgetfulness
• Disorganization 

Impulsivity – is found in both types of attention deficit, ADD and ADHD. Most of us have the ability to insert a thought between a stimulus and our response to the stimulus. That is, we are able to inhibit our responses by thinking things through. Although people with ADD/ ADHD are able to inhibit their impulses most of the time, at times they feel overwhelmed with stimulation and they simply take action without thinking about the consequences. This is why people with ADD or ADHD are quickly aroused to anger.

Other traits associated with impulsivity include: 

• Poor interpersonal boundaries (e.g., intruding when someone is speaking)
• Blurting out a response before a speaker is finished
• Difficulty in waiting for one's turn 

Hyperactivity or Excess Energy – is found more frequently in ADHD than in ADD, by definition. It occurs when the nervous system is unable to cope with an oversupply of stimulation that cannot be controlled or filtered out. Rather than channeling this energy into daydreaming, the person stays connected to the energy and increases bodily activity.

Other Characteristics of ADD and ADHD

There are many other characteristics found in people with an attention deficit. (Most of us experience at least some of these in our day-to-day lives, so it is not advisable to conclude that you have ADD if some of these items describe your behavior.) These include:

• Problems managing your time (not giving yourself enough time for a task)  
• A tendency to take on too many tasks at the same time  
• Difficulty in concentrating when reading or watching a movie  
• Problems managing finances and balancing a checkbook  
• Difficulty controlling temper  
• A history of underachievement and not meeting one’s goals  
• A history of periodic depression starting in adolescence
• Depending on other people to take care of life’s details
• Frequent moving and changing jobs
• Difficulty with long-term relationships
• A low tolerance for frustration
• A tendency to stay up late and rise late
• Losing track of the conversation when someone else is talking
• Chronic procrastination
• Frequently searching for high stimulation experiences
• Hyperfocusing at times to compensate for difficulty in maintaining attention
• A sense of insecurity
• Problems with negative self-esteem
• A tendency to worry
• Mood swings, especially when not engaged in an activity
• A tendency toward substance abuse (especially caffeine, cocaine or amphetamine)

If you have many of these symptoms and are having difficulty in everyday living because of them, you might want to consider an assessment by a trained professional. Treatment for ADD and ADHD is generally effective and can have a highly positive effect on the quality of your life.

Other indicators of hyperactivity include: 

• Fidgeting (playing with fingers, feet constantly moving, toe tapping)
• Restlessness
• Difficulty engaging in quiet activities
• A pressured need to talk

It may seem that having ADD or ADHD is a negative experience, but this need not be the case. In fact, many creative people and well-known historical figures probably had an attention deficit. For example, it has been speculated that Albert Einstein, perhaps the greatest mind of the twentieth century, suffered from ADD. He certainly had difficulty in his early school years, as do many people with ADD. But he also had many of the positive qualities found in people with this disorder. For example, people with ADD tend to be creative, energetic, talkative, socially aware, insightful, spontaneous, and enthusiastic. Once a person learns how to contain the symptoms that cause problems, the positive qualities can surface. In fact, with the proper treatment, people with ADD and ADHD can live productive, normal lives.

Some Considerations in Dealing with ADD and ADHD

People who suffer from ADD and ADHD, through no fault of their own, often cause difficulty for other people. Their minds might wander during a conversation, they might blurt out remarks, which are inappropriate to the situation, or they never show up on time for appointments. During childhood they might create difficulties for both parents and teachers, especially when their activity level is high. School children with ADD may daydream frequently in class or may have trouble following a logical line of thought. They put off working on assignments and then turn them in late or not at all. It is easy to understand why people with attention deficits invite anger from other people. Other people often label the sufferer mercilessly and do everything in their power to coerce more appropriate behavior. The ADD sufferer is frequently treated in a thoughtless, and often brutal, manner by others.

People with ADD or ADHD are sensitive. They are highly aware and are bombarded daily with stimulation that they need to manage. Their goal is to protect their fragile inner lives. Life becomes a struggle to maintain a balance between the integrity of the inner world and the onslaught of stimuli from the external. This struggle is intensified when they must deal with negative feedback from other people. Thus, people with attention deficit disorders often have to deal with self-image issues and depression. They constantly hear feedback telling them that they are intrusive, out of control, or low achievers. They end up feeling lonely and isolated. As they internalize the negative messages they hear from others, they begin to feel that way about themselves.

Because of the negative way the world tends to treat them, people with attention deficits develop psychological problems, even though ADD and ADHD have biological causes. Fortunately, a trained professional therapist is able to work productively with clients on these issues in a safe and understanding setting. Once a person with attention problems makes the decision to find treatment, a more normal and easier life lies just ahead.

What Are the Treatment Options for ADD and ADHD?

Most people with an attention deficit don’t suspect that this is their problem, or that it even has a name. They have been exposed to a great deal of pain in their lives, and they finally see a professional therapist for a number of related problems, such as work difficulties, relationship difficulties, depression, or substance abuse.

Treatment for ADD and ADHD usually consists of the following:

• First, find a trained professional who seems knowledgeable; you should feel comfortable with this person.
• You will first review your history with your therapist. This includes your family history, your physical (medical) history, your development, your history in school, at home and in jobs, and your history in relationships.
• Your therapist will rule out other possible causes for your difficulties (such as anxiety, depression or substance abuse).
• You will likely be given a psychological assessment, although not necessarily in all cases. Sometimes a lengthy interview will suffice.
• Once the diagnosis is made, your first goal will be to educate yourself about ADD and ADHD. You will read books, articles or resources you find on the Internet
• With the help of your therapist, you will work on restructuring your life, both internally and externally. Internally, you start to think about yourself differently and you examine your self-image issues. Externally, you work on ways to improve how you organize and insert control into your life.
• You will start a course of psychotherapy in order to gain an understanding of what made you who you are today and what you can do to take a different orientation toward your life. This may also involve joining a therapy or support group with other people who share similar problems.
• You may or may not be referred to a physician regarding using medication. Many people with attention deficits benefit from safe doses of stimulant medication, while others benefit from antidepressant or antianxiety medication.

OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder was once thought to be a fairly rare but serious mental problem. Specialists saw it as serious mainly because the behavior of a person with this disorder appears quite abnormal to other people. About one in forty people suffers from OCD, and many cases go undiagnosed, so we now know that it is not so rare a condition. The more researchers discovered about OCD, the more they saw that people with this disorder are normal in most respects.

All of us have habits or patterns of living that make our lives infinitely easier. Our morning grooming routine, for example, repeats itself in just about the same way each day. Think about how chaotic and difficult our lives would be if we didn't have well-learned habits to rely on and instead had to create a new routine every morning. For the person with OCD, however, this habitual behavior interferes with the smooth flow of everyday living – and these habits cause them anxiety and worry.

People with OCD often feel that they are losing their minds, although this is far from the truth. They realize that their thoughts and behaviors might be seen by others as bizarre, so they try to hide these patterns. This part of their lives is led in secret and they try to present themselves on the outside as being as normal as possible. They might feel that no therapist, and certainly no friend or relative, could possibly understand what they experience privately everyday. It is when the rituals become so time-consuming and the person is no longer able to function on the job or at home that the victim of OCD seeks help. Thus, the number of people with OCD far exceeds the number who actually receive treatment for the disorder. Happily, OCD does not need to be a debilitating life condition. Although there is no cure at this point, the symptoms can be controlled so that OCD need not interfere with normal everyday living.

What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is defined by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that interfere with a person’s normal routines, daily functioning, or relationships with others. They are distressing to the one who suffers from OCD and they are time-consuming.

Obsessions are persistent thoughts, ideas, impulses, or images that cause anxiety and worry. The person feels that the thoughts are not within his or her control and that the thoughts are not normal. The person suffering from obsessions knows that these thoughts come from within and are not imposed from an outside source.

Compulsions are repetitive behaviors performed in response to obsessive thoughts in order to relieve anxiety or worry. The discomfort of an obsessive thought compels the sufferer to want to contain or neutralize the discomfort by engaging in some ritualistic behavior. These compulsions can be mental acts, such as counting, praying, repeating words silently, or repetitive behaviors such as checking, hand washing, or putting objects in order. People with OCD do not experience pleasure from performing these behaviors – they engage in them in order to avoid some dreaded consequence, such as harm that might come to others or to themselves, if they do not perform the rituals.

To qualify as obsessive-compulsive disorder, the person recognizes that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive or unreasonable. They cause marked distress, are time-consuming (taking up at least one hour per day), and significantly interfere with the person's normal routine, work or school functioning, or usual social activities or relationships.

OCD is not the same as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, an eating disorder, or superstitious behavior. It is important to realize that OCD is not the same as Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, which is a tendency that some people have to be perfectionists. These people like having order and some rigidity in their lives. People with OCD, on the other hand, are disturbed by their ritualistic patterns.

The onset of OCD is usually gradual, although in some cases, people have reported a sudden onset. When a person has a biological predisposition to OCD, it can be triggered off by stress at home, with a relationship, with friends, or on the job. It is often associated with major life transitions, such as pregnancy, leaving home for the first time, increased levels of responsibility, or health problems.

OCD is linked to anxiety. Not only do the obsessions and compulsions cause the person great anxiety, but they may actually be the way a person alleviates anxiety. When victims of this disorder experience anxiety, they find structure and a degree of comfort in repeating the same thoughts or behaviors over and over again. But engaging in these thoughts and behaviors seems itself to cause further anxiety. This becomes an endless cycle in which the person truly feels trapped.

Some OCD Statistics

About 20% of the people with this disorder have only obsessions or compulsions (but not both), and the remaining 80% experience both obsessions and compulsions. Most people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder will show symptoms prior to the age of 25; only 15% of all OCD sufferers will first show signs after the age of 35. About 15 to 20% have a family member who also suffers from this disorder. Approximately 70% of those with OCD will suffer from a major depression at some point in their lives. There is a slightly higher incidence of OCD in women if it first appears during adolescence. However, if it first shows itself in childhood, boys with OCD outnumber girls by about two to one. What these statistics show is that if you suffer from OCD, you are not alone. People with OCD keep it a secret, so we don’t usually realize how many of the people around us suffer from the same condition.

What Causes OCD?

Despite the myths that early childhood experiences (like the way one is toilet trained) might lead to OCD, there is no real evidence to support this notion (although one may end up with a particularly rigid personality because of early childhood training). There does seem to be a genetic component to this disorder, however. It runs in families. There is evidence that it may be related to brain chemistry, especially with neurotransmitters such as serotonin. Furthermore, about one-fourth of all those with this disorder seem to have it triggered by a stressful life experience. While the exact cause is not known, it appears that OCD results from a combination of inherited predispositions combined with environmental factors. These environmental factors may include trauma, childhood neglect, family stress, illness, divorce, accidents, as well as major life transitions such as adolescence, leaving home, marriage, parenthood, and retirement.

Some Common OCD Obsessions

People who suffer from this disorder realize that their obsessions do not make sense, but they are not able to put them out of their minds. Here are some common themes in the thoughts of people with OCD:

• Fear of getting a disease
• Fear of being contaminated or infected by things in the environment
• Fear that a disaster will occur
• Fear of committing a crime or harming oneself or others
• Recurring sexual thoughts and images
• Fear of losing things that will be needed later, resulting in hoarding and collecting things
• Concern over order, structure, exactness
• Excessive worry over religious issues, morality, and issues of right and wrong

Some Common OCD Compulsions or Rituals

In order to reduce anxiety caused by obsessions, people with OCD feel that they have to do something, so they engage in ritualistic behaviors. The fears soon return, however, and they have to start the rituals all over again. Here are some common ones:

• Grooming behaviors, like washing hands repeatedly
• Changing clothes again and again
• Counting to oneself over and over
• Arranging things in a certain ritualistic way
• Checking light switches, stove burners, locks, or electrical outlets constantly
• Hoarding things like magazines or mail

Some Common OCD Patterns

Counting and Repeating: Some people with OCD feel that they have to count things, like passing automobiles or the number of seconds it takes to brush one's teeth. They may feel that they have to repeat a word a certain number of times in order to protect themselves or someone else from harm, or they may feel that they have to change clothes repeatedly before leaving the house.

Protecting Against Contamination: The most common form of compulsion is repeated cleaning and washing. Some OCD sufferers may wash their hands thirty, forty, or more times a day, or they may take a shower several times throughout the course of a day. If someone has come into the house, they may later scrub the house thoroughly to avoid possible exposure to germs or other contaminants.

Checking: A common OCD compulsion involves checking things over and over again to make sure that everything is in order. A person may check the locks on the doors repeatedly or go through all the light switches in the house to make sure that they are turned off. They know logically that everything is alright, but they have a secret feeling that things should be checked again and again. They may go over a report on the job or at school so often that they cannot get things in on time.

Hoarding: Some people cannot throw out anything. In order not to lose anything of importance, they will save old mail, newspapers, magazines, old clothes, dead plants, or used containers until it becomes impossible to maneuver through the house.

Strange Movements: Sometimes rituals can be seen in the form of odd movements, like making every fourth step a skip while walking or rotating one's neck a certain number of times before entering a room.

Being Scrupulous: Some people with OCD will do anything to avoid certain thoughts or actions. For example, their obsessions may lead them to avoid certain words in their speech, certain places, some items of clothing, or consuming certain foods or drinks.

IS THERE HELP FOR OCD?

Although there is no absolute cure for OCD at this point, there is substantial help available for

those who suffer from this disorder. Life for the OCD sufferer can become normalized so that the symptoms don’t interfere with everyday living. With effective treatment, people with this disorder can live full, productive, and normal lives.

Psychotherapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, is an important part of recovery from

OCD. This form of therapy provides the tools and skills necessary for managing obsessional

and compulsive behavior. One helpful therapeutic tool used with OCD is exposure and response

prevention. This technique reduces the anxiety associated with obsessive thoughts through a process called habituation. When a person is exposed to anxiety repeatedly, the nervous system gradually adjusts to the anxiety (just as our hands adjust to being dipped in cold water after a period of time).  Thus, we learn to tolerate the anxiety associated with obsessive thinking and decrease the need to engage in compulsive techniques for reducing the anxiety. Psychotherapy also aims to challenge the faulty thinking patterns that drive and maintain the obsessive thoughts. Another valuable technique is called mindfulness, in which we increase our awareness of the thoughts that guide our debilitating behavior. Supportive therapy with a concerned professional can help the person to gain knowledge and courage to try to deal with anxieties without resorting to obsessional thoughts and compulsive behavior.

An important component of therapy is to bring other family members into the process so that

they can learn appropriate ways of coping with the disorder and provide a supportive and understanding environment for the sufferer.

Most people who suffer from OCD try to keep their condition secret and may engage in denial. The first step in overcoming this debilitating circumstance is to make an appointment to talk to a

professional psychotherapist. The sessions with your therapist are safe, trustworthy, and supportive. Getting your condition under control is a challenge – but things will only get better after making that first call. Help and hope are just a phone call away.