As humans we naturally crave connection with others. For many reasons, some biological and cultural in nature, we believe that we need love to be truly fulfilled. Love does not exist in an unchanging state. We need to constantly work at it and it requires a certain amount of selflessness and vulnerability.
According to Dr. Melanie Greenberg, the following are 10 science-based facts that help to explain ‘what love really is and is not.’
(1) Love is different from passion or lust
An emotional love is different from lust. According to brain studies, love lights up the regions of our brain associated with caring and empathy where as lust lights up the regions associated with motivation and reward.
(2) Love is both a momentary feeling and long-term state of mind
Love can be momentary in the sense the we can feel so united with our partner that we can mirror each other. Love can be a long-lasting mental and emotional state as well. This occurs when you care so deeply for your partner that you experience a deep level of empathy for their emotions.
(3) Building lasting relationships takes work
Studies show that partners with lasting love support each other’s personal growth, take on shared experiences together in an effort to grow and think positively of each other when not together.
(4) We can increase our capacity to love
According to research, our brains are capable of learning to form a secure attachment pattern. The consistent practice of mindfulness and self-compassion meditations allow our brains to connect better with empathy and positive emotions while decreasing activation of fear.
(5) It is not just in your head
Research indicates that loving relationships can improve long-term physical health. Isolation has been shown to shorten our life span.
(6) If we focus on love, we can enhance it
Many of us both like to give and receive; mutuality in a relationship is essential. If you focus your attention on mutual appreciate and happiness towards your loved ones it can create positive feelings not only for you but for your partner as well.
(7) It is not a fixed quantity
Your capacity to love can grow within yourself. The satisfaction you receive from intensely loving one person can prove motivating to be more loving towards others as well. You are not limited to showing love to only one person.
(8) It is not unconditional
When you connect lovingly with another person your brain turns off your automatic ‘fight or flight’ response. Individuals who have experienced trauma have a more difficult time ‘flipping off this switch.’ Although this can prove to be barrier to loving others it can be overcome through the work of therapy.
(9) It is contagious
Seeing others engage in loving, caring and meaningful behaviors can be inspiring.
(10) Love is not necessarily forever, but it can be
Just as the self is constantly changing and evolving so is love. That is not to say that love cannot remain fixed, it is just not as common.
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