Marital Relationship Problems? Time To Look For Marriage Counselor"End up being a student of your spouse. Discover exactly what your partner likes and dislikes ...".
Dan, Sharon and the kids were driving the expressway. Dan was the pilot, Sharon the navigator. The children were just along for the ride. Tension was in the air.
"Take down that map! I can't see a thing," shouted Dan.
"I'm looking for our exit," Sharon responded. "Why didn't you prepare this trip better? I'm tired of always getting lost. Can not we just ask for directions?".
"Quit nagging. We do not need assistance. Just keep looking for signs," Dan responded as billows of smoke began pouring out from the hood. "Great! looking for we're overheating or something.".
"Didn't you inspect the radiator before we left? I told you it looked low." Sharon's volume began increasing. "Why do not you pull over and call a tow tru ...".
"I'll fill it when we enter town," disrupted Dan as he slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the shoulder. "Rats !!! We just passed our exit!".
As the car idled on the roadside, the engine started making a loud rattling sound. Dan laid his forehead on the steering wheel and let out a heavy sigh.
"I think we need help.".
Dan and Sharon's road trip is a little like a marriage in trouble. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I see a lot of people with marital problems. About 45 % of my clients are dealing with marital discord. And, like most counselors in the United States, the percent of Marriage Counseling I do has increased substantially since September 11th.
I 'd like to see less couples. Not that I want to turn away individuals in need. I 'd much like to assist people avoid the need. I'm sure you've heard the stats: today majority all marital relationships end in divorce. And the performance history for 2nd marriages is even worse.
Normally, there are little signs along the way before the relationship breaks down. Here are small signs to look for in your Marriage and ideas to turn things around:
Fork in the road. When couples initially marry, they travel the same road together. At some point theres a fork in the roadway. It's when we take a lot of different forks that issues begin. We'll discover ourselves doing different things with different individuals and spending less time with our partner. Our objectives are different. Not simply different-- often clashing.
Suggestion: Do even more things together. Discover an activity you both take pleasure in-- and do it. It could be bowling or squash, checkers or chess, rock or opera, hiking or antiquing. I know one couple that knocked on neighbor's doors together for a yellow ribbon project. Whatever works, let the activity draw you together. And make time to do it frequently.
Missing out on Stop Sign. We live in a day of chaotic schedules. It's easy to go days without stopping for a moment alone with your partner. However time together is essential to developing your relationship. You have to stop and work on staying connected.
Suggestion: Schedule a regular "Together Time" far from your house and kids. Do not talk about work or children. Exactly what do you talk about? Anything: news, interests, hobbies, buddies, or memories. Seeing a movie doesn't count as "Together Time." But, in some cases a movie or activity develops a natural bridge to help a couple link. Just make sure to make time to talk later on.
Soft Shoulder Ahead. Physical touch changes with time in a marriage. But when hugs, kisses, holding hands, and lovemaking stop totally there's normally need for issue. It can lead you down a domino effect.
Suggestion: Connect and touch your partner. Some guys like being greeted at the door with a hug when they get back from work. Some ladies like a kiss goodbye in the morning. Find out what your partner likes. Do not think. Ask.
Yield Right-of-way. Among the common problems is waiting for your partner to go first in any of these areas. What if they're waiting for you to go first? You get the point.
Suggestion: Break the pattern. Take the risk: hold your partner's hand, write a romantic note, or schedule an activity together. The reward could be well worth it.
End up being a student of your partner. Discover exactly what your partner likes and dislikes. Try to understand his or her distinct personality, needs and desires. One book I recommend to help you much better understand your spouse is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It explains ways to communicate your love depending upon your partner's love language.
If you feel your Marriage issues are too big to handle alone, possibly it's time to ask for help. A good counselor can be a mediator, a coach, a teacher and a resource. I have actually seen excellent Marriage turnarounds. Whether you take my suggestions or look for expert assistance, the secret is being ready to roll-up your sleeves and work on your Marriage. When you get there, it can be well worth the journey.
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