"Become a student of your spouse. Learn what your partner likes and dislikes ...".
Dan, Sharon and the kids were driving the expressway. Dan was the pilot, Sharon the navigator. The children were simply along for the ride. Stress was in the air.
"Take down that map! I can't see a thing," yelled Dan.
"I'm looking for our exit," Sharon responded. "Why didn't you plan this journey better? I'm sick of constantly getting lost. Cannot we simply ask for directions?".
"Quit nagging. We don't need assistance. Just keep looking for signs," Dan reacted as billows of smoke began pouring out from the hood. "Great! looking for we're overheating or something.".
"Didn't you check the radiator before we left? I informed you it looked low." Sharon's volume began rising. "Why do not you pull over and call a tow tru ...".
"I'll fill it when we get into town," interrupted Dan as he slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the shoulder. "Rats !!! We simply passed our exit!".
As the car idled on the roadside, the engine started making a loud rattling noise. Dan laid his forehead on the steering wheel and discharge a heavy sigh.
"I believe we need help.".
Dan and Sharon's road trip is a little like a marriage in trouble. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I see a lot of people with marital issues. About 45 % of my clients are dealing with marital discord. And, like most counselors in the United States, the percent of Marriage Counseling I do has actually increased substantially since September 11th.
I 'd like to see less couples. Not that I wish to turn away individuals in need. I 'd much like to assist people stay clear of the need. I'm sure you've heard the statistics: today majority all marital relationships end in divorce. And the track record for second marital relationships is even worse.
Normally, there are little signs along the way before the relationship breaks down. Here are small signs to try to find in your Marriage and ideas to turn things around:
Fork in the road. When couples initially marry, they travel the exact same road together. At some time theres a fork in the roadway. It's when we take a lot of different forks that issues begin. We'll discover ourselves doing different things with different people and spending less time with our partner. Our objectives are different. Not simply different-- in some cases clashing.
Suggestion: Do even more things together. Find an activity you both take pleasure in-- and do it. It could be bowling or squash, checkers or chess, rock or opera, treking or antiquing. I know one couple that knocked on neighbor's doors together for a yellow ribbon campaign. Whatever works, let the activity draw you together. And make time to do it frequently.
Missing out on Stop Sign. We live in a day of busy schedules. It's simple to go days without picking up a moment alone with your spouse. But time together is important to building your relationship. You need to stop and work on staying linked.
Suggestion: Schedule a weekly "Together Time" away from your house and kids. Don't talk about work or children. What do you discuss? Anything: news, interests, hobbies, good friends, or memories. Seeing a movie does not count as "Together Time." However, often a movie or activity develops a natural bridge to help a couple connect. Just be sure to make time to talk afterwards.
Soft Shoulder Ahead. Physical touch changes with time in a marriage. However when hugs, kisses, holding hands, and lovemaking stop entirely there's normally need for concern. It can lead you down a domino effect.
Suggestion: Connect and touch your spouse. Some men like being greeted at the door with a hug when they come home from work. Some females like a kiss goodbye in the morning. Discover what your partner likes. Don't think. Ask.
Yield Right Of Way. Among the common issues is waiting for your partner to go first in any of these areas. What if they're waiting for you to go first? You understand.
Suggestion: Break the pattern. Take the risk: hold your partner's hand, compose a charming note, or set up an activity together. The benefit could be well worth it.
Become a student of your spouse. Discover what your partner likes and dislikes. Try to understand his or her distinct character, needs and desires. One book I recommend to assist you better understand your spouse is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It describes how to communicate your love depending on your partner's love language.
If you feel your Marriage problems are too big to deal with alone, perhaps it's time to ask for help. A great counselor can be a mediator, a coach, a teacher and a resource. I have actually seen fantastic Marriage turn-arounds. Whether you take my ideas or seek professional assistance, the key is being ready to roll-up your sleeves and work on your Marriage. When you get there, it can be well worth the journey.
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